Failure

I was laying in bed last night wishing I could fall asleep, but not being able to. I started thinking about all the things I needed and wanted to accomplish this week, then I started debating whether or not I should get up and start on them at midnight since I was having such a hard time falling asleep. I opted to continue lying in bed and was dwelling on this past week, and a conversation I had with a dear friend earlier in the day, and a thought popped into my head.

Where does the idea of failure come from? As a stay at home and homeschooling mom of two little ones, failure pops into my head quite a few times throughout the week. Usually it's when I've had a lesson planned out, and none of it happens. Or, when five o'clock rolls around, and I realize I have nothing at all prepared for dinner. It's always in those times I hear the little voice saying you failed again, why can't you just be better at managing your time, your house, your kids?

And all of a sudden I just want to yell at that little voice and say, "have you seen what I dealt with today!" Kids peeing on the floor, spilled milk on the carpet, toilets and a bathtub long past due for a scrubbing, fighting and yelling over a single toy car while ten other cars sit in the box, feeding, dressing, and brushing the hair of two kids under four, trying to get them to sit still for just five minutes while we read a Bible story. I mean, come on little voice, I have done a lot today, who cares if I forgot to take dinner out of the freezer. Oh wait, there is no money in the budget to go out and eat, maybe I really did fail today.

But, which just happens to be one of my favorite words in the Bible, as it is seems to always be followed by a showing of the incredible power of God, but I stop and look around and try to judge my day through God's eyes. Today, I taught my kids about God's love for them, and now as they sit playing and waiting patiently for me to pull a cooked dinner out of thin air, they are showing the same love to each other. Yes, the toilets and tub are quite disgusting, but the carpet is quite clean where I had to clean up milk and pee. Then as the kids jump up and run to play hide and seek with Daddy who just came home, I can hear my nearly two year old count perfectly to ten. Yep, we have been practicing counting too. Then, as my hubby gives me a big hug, I stop looking around me and start looking up. I look up towards heaven, where my God sits on His throne, and I know today, while it may not have gone perfect according to my plan, was not counted as a failure by my God.

I failed at striving in my flesh to accomplish all the tasks I set for myself, but I didn't fail God. The enemy is the little voice who whispers and points out all the failures. But, when my eyes stay focused on Him, I remember Psalm 139:10 "even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." God is leading me and carrying me where I ought to go, I need only stay focused on Him. I will strive in my Spirit to be with Christ, and there can be no failure.