Lately, I have found myself waking up and being a total grouch. To my hubby, to the kiddos, to the dog, and I have been trying to figure out why. So, I opened my bible the other day and started reading 1 John 2. I did not pick it for any specific reason, it just happened to be the chapter containing the verse of the day.
God opened my eyes for sure as to why I have grouchy days and why there are days I just cannot get out of the grouchy funk. It about me not spending time with God and abiding in His word. With the holidays and birthdays and sickness, I haven't been purposeful about reading my bible. And when I skip it for days and days, it is evident. The crazy thing is the bible says it will be too.
The first verse to catch my eye was verse 9, "He who says he is in the light, and hates is brother, is in darkness until now." On my grouchiest of days, it would be fair to say I have hated my brother. Most oftentimes my husband ends up taking the brunt of this "hatred." I am not yelling or screaming or calling names, but I am extremely short and disinterested with anything he says or does and even thinking not so pleasant or kind thoughts. The bible explains this hatred comes from walking in darkness, but I know God and I love Him and trust Him and put my faith in Him completely! Where does this darkness come from?
Going through the next few verses, John begins by first addressing the little children, which I believe is not to actual little children, but to those people who are young in their faith and belief in God. "Your sins are forgiven you for His name's sake." Yep, check mark I know and believe this statement. Then to fathers, or the very wise believer who is walking hand in hand with God and has for a very long time, "You have known Him who is from the beginning." I do not know if I fall into this category, but I can agree with the statement. And lastly the young men, I fall more into this range of middle-aged Christians, who know God, but have not that extremely deep relationship with Him, "You have overcome the wicked one." Well, now there's a clue. If I am having hatred towards other Christians and walking in darkness instead of light, it means I have not overcome the wicked one as I ought to have. I ask myself then, why not?
Down to verse 14 where again the young men are addressed, "You are strong, and the word of God abides in you." And, this is where I falter. God's word has not been abiding in me. I have not been making it a priority to spend time reading His words to me. The bible, the word of life, and it's been sitting on my bedside table, only to be dusted off for church on Sunday. Terrible confession, right? But if you have ever wondered why that guy or girl who claims to be a Christian is so righteous on Monday, yet rude on Friday, it may be because their bible only gets dusted off on Sunday too.
So, I have figured out my problem, but where do I go from here? Obvious answer is read my bible, but something is always getting in the way; I was up all night with a sick kiddo, or I have to make breakfast right now because the little one is screaming he wants to eat, or it's ten o'clock at night and I'm just now getting a chance to sit down and relax, and all I want to do is sleep. However, if I'm honest those are really weak excuses, and the real reason is found in verse 16, "For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world." In all of my excuses there is always a place to interject, but what about those forty-five minutes spent on social media and apps, and those two hours spent watching Netflix, and the thirty minutes spent checking emails and online shopping. Sure, there will always be crazy days where my schedule is not conducive to an early morning read, or afternoon read or evening read, but at the same time, I always seem to have time for indulging my flesh, my eyes, or my ear. I no longer have cause for wondering why I am so grouchy, but I do have an answer and solution on preventing and curing it. Psalm 119:11 "Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You."
Time to be purposeful in my desire to seek God. After all, seeking after God is what I am called to do as a believer. Matthew 6:33, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." And, time to be purposeful is denying the world and the desires it has for my flesh, my eyes, and my ear. Matthew 16:24-26, "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?""
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